The making of the video to 'Closer to the candle' - by A. Vardanis September 14, 2008 I should introduce myself. You must be wondering 'who the f... is Alex?' Well, we grew up together, two kids in the park, carved our initials ... no, just kidding! Although I have known Alan for a long time, since 'The Elizabethans' days which means I have known Ron for just as long. They have become my big brothers as they feel like family to me. But in fact, it was Andrea that decided to take the gamble and talk Alan into bringing me on board with the making of the video 'Closer to the Candle' and this is how it began! The phone call 'Would you be interested in finding locations for Alan as he is making a video for the release of his new album?' In the background I could hear Alan playing his new songs. Are they crazy!? Of course my answer was 'Yes'. Andrea read the lyrics to me. With very poetic and some archaic words to play with, we talked about the project for hours and I'm so glad it was their phone bill!! That long 3-way conversation was a sure sign that the making of this video was going to be very interesting to say the least as Alan had an idea, (hang on to the handrails!) then another, then a different one - then came another idea, then, surprise surprise another one, and another!!!! All great, but how the heck do you get someone like Alan Silson to focus? Well, it's just not possible. Never has been, never will be! We all gave up years ago as we stood by and fed off his creativity and relied on him to keep us entertained whilst he often wandered into his own world, and well, often just wandered, literally! I think some of you may know that about Alan already but nobody better than Ron from the early days. Lesson number 1 and a very important one! Don't ever send Alan for fish and chips or a curry. You may never see him for days. And if you don't go looking for him, it could be weeks before he turns up, but not without a great song, idea or some strange discovery. The mind of an artist is not always helpful when you are trying to get things done! Next visit to this page....Organised chaos ... The Beginning Before the Chaos .... 10 coffees and 20 cigarettes later I had devised the concept, the format to work on. I was relatively happy with my idea but it needed improvement. I thought very deeply about the lyrics of 'Closer to the Candle' and how it could be interpreted in different ways. Initially, I couldn't see beyond the darkness of its meaning until I ran parallels in my mind with the lyrics and Alan's life as I know and understand it, particularly of the past 10 years. Alan joked a lot over the phone about his past sufferings and anguish that had shaped him and his perception of life today. We laughed, but the truth is, it felt far from funny as some of us around him had observed his struggles and Alan's continuous fight to remain sane through what seemed an insane world. His words - the more people I meet, the more I like animals! - seem harsh but understandable. They are words in defence of the hurt and pain he has felt through betrayal and abandonment at a time when he needed people the most. No wonder he loves dogs! He can give love and receive it without the fear of being hurt. It's a safe place for the heart to be when you are not sure who to trust. 'Solitary bird' is gut-wrenchingly, heartbreakingly beautiful. He bares his soul in song and performance to us (don't look too close unless you want to see his tears on stage) and reminds me, and hopefully others that he is not only gifted but also one of life's survivors of emotional devastation with the capacity to keep on fighting and winning. Written by Steve Whalley, each line of 'Closer to the Candle' has relevant meaning to some part of Alan's life. It wasn't too difficult to apply it. My interpretation of it is that of surviving the darkest moments and times of your life when you feel so close to giving up. For me, it was about Alan, facing himself, (I want to see you here by the light) his past, (I've been afraid for my very life) his demons, (tried to degrade me but I was on my guard). Rising above degradation and emotional ruin, he found solace in his music; he has brought himself back from near destruction, uncovered his guitar, thrown away the chains, and released himself from that awful dark and lonely place! Through all his turmoil, loss and sadness, he always always, no matter what, kept on making funny comments. How he did it was beyond me!! He is an inspiration. So, it went like this... My idea was initially to have a nostalgic and faceless figure that represented Alan's recollections and reminiscence of his past. I was stuck with how to get this image on film with the resources that we had. More coffee and many more cigarettes later, the idea came for somebody to act out a younger Alan. Great idea, but where am I going to find somebody that looks like Alan with less than 48hrs to go!? I went through all my contacts to try find a look-alike, to no avail, I threw the towel in on that idea and resorted back to the faceless one ... Gosh, is it that time already? Hungry guys, back soon ... And the Story Goes On ..... Back again .... Not able to find a 'young Alan' and feeling stuck, I decided to go into town, take a break and get away from the phone and desk for a while. Thinking of shopping and chocolate only, I walked out of my house, and there he was, whizzing passed me in a car, the closest I could get to an adolescent Alan right before my very eyes! Fortunately for me he was driving into a cul-de-sac (for non-English, a dead end street) and there was no escape from this mad woman that was about to pounce on him! 'Excuse me!' No reply. 'EXCUSE ME!' Oops, a little too loud, I think I scared him. I blurted all this stuff at him about doing a music video and I think he is just the person etc. etc... I completely baffled him. He was in a hurry as he had an appointment to give piano tuition. He said he would come to my house for 6.10pm the next day and we could talk then. 6.10pm? I looked puzzled at him since he reminded me of Alan, I must have expected him to behave like Alan. NO WAY would Alan say 6.10pm! The 10 doesn't exist in Alan's world, only the 6pm bit. In fact I remember house sitting for Alan once. He said he would be back on the Tuesday from Germany, which meant to me probably about Thursday. I was right! Bang on 6.10pm, Matt arrived! I went to great lengths to explain what I knew about Alan's character and how I intended to try extracting some of Alan's deepest emotions to capture them on video and hope that he wouldn't be alarmed by my actions and what I may say to enable this to happen. I didn't need to explain to Matt who Alan is, or about his music, only that he has a new album out, of which I played him 'Closer to the Candle'. He seemed to know exactly where I was coming from in a creative sense and I guess he would since he is a talented young musician himself, and proceeded to explain about the irregular time signature Alan had used in the song. I was impressed but stood looking very vacant! He may as well have talked Japanese to me! I just felt I had struck gold with Matt and saved at the 11th hour. I mean, what were the chances of that happening on my doorstep? In my excitement of finding Matt, I phoned Alan and Andrea. I could hear the disappointment in Alan's voice and he wasn't going for it as he wanted Amy his daughter to play the part. Obviously, Amy was the best option since she has a look of her Dad but when I asked, DAD! hadn't called her at this point and I didn't even know whether she was interested or available. I was beginning to panic, as my story seemed to crumble in that one phone call. I persuaded Alan to have Matt come anyway, in case Amy couldn't and pointed out that if we don't have Amy or Matt, then what? Of course, Alan's answer to that was Rusty his dog! Hmm - Reader, can you see the complications of working with an artist? No doubt, if Alan were left entirely to his own devices, he would come up with something quite exceptional, different, unique, and even impossible with little time to go! I had the itinerary planned for everybody and I really didn't want to hear about a cliff-hanger change of plan, otherwise I would be jumping off it and dragging Alan with me by the scruff of the neck!! I needed a back-up plan, which was Matt and a back-up storyline. One with Amy, one without! Like Father like daughter, she may just breeze in later on!! They are definitely peas from the same pod! I'm happy to say, I love peas, no matter how much they scatter all over the place and difficult to handle if you know what I mean. Also, these two peas have to be eaten together. You cannot separate them!! (It's a metaphor guys, in case you struggle with English or my language. I forget sometimes that Alan's fans are worldwide). 24hrs to go before one pea and its shell lands at Leeds/Bradford airport!!! Written by Alex Vardanis 22 March 2008 .... and so, chaos had landed ... There he was, sat alone with guitar at his side (and oddly, holding sleeves of cigarettes!!) in Leeds Airport lounge. It was a very late and quite evening and behind those dark glasses, he seemed to be staring in my direction, so I waved … but got no response. I carried on walking towards him and kept giving little waves and smiling to get his attention, but to no avail. He was in that little world of his where he does not see or hear anyone on earth! He was on his other planet. He looked like a little lost child, but I’m only ever fooled for a brief moment!! I approached him … inches from his face. ‘Hey Alan! ... where’s Andrea?’ He never flinches and I know that juvenile look. It says “If you think you scared me ... well … you didn’t.” It was an “I’m scared of nothing!” look. I’ve been sneaking up behind Alan for over 30 years in the streets of Bradford … just as juvenile! … tapping him on the shoulder every few years … trying to make him jump. It never works! I forget sometimes that we are no longer kids. It’s very easy to forget that around Alan. He has never changed his childlike ways. He also has that calm, cool rock star way … which was natural to Alan before he became one! ‘Hi Alex. She’s sorting stuff out over there somewhere …’ Ambiguously wielding his index finger in about three different directions, as he does! Still holding packs of cigarettes??? Alan’s mind wandered, this time to the big fat Honda touring bike on display. I kept a look out for Andrea whilst Alan led me over to the bike to show me what Honda had completely missed in the design of it. I never underestimate Alan’s intelligence just because of his childlike ways. He is well above average and I reckon bordering the mad genius/professor type. I’ve seen some of his quirky inventions!! Reader, ask him about the doorbell for one, if you ever get chance! It’s undoubtedly clever and hilarious!! Anyhow, he studied the bike for a while, then grinned and said ‘they should have just asked me!’ And he’s probably right!! ‘Here, these are for you.’ He handed me the cigarettes he had been clutching. Wow! I was flattered since Alan hates smoking. He had waived his views on it FOR ME! What a nice friend!! ‘You didn’t have to Alan.’ ‘I didn’t. I found them on that chair next to me. Somebody must have left them!’ he said, grinning again. ‘Oh ! ... well … thanks anyway.’ At last Andrea appeared hands full with papers, purse, tickets and so on, busy doing her Management stuff. There wasn’t much left of the night. The only thing on Alan’s mind was where he is going to get his British fish and chips from, that he soooo … misses in Germany. It was too late, all closed, which he doesn’t understand why but he settled for curry instead. Working on Closer to the Candle was the only thing on my mind. Enthusiastic as I was, I was NOT looking forward to the possibility it could all backfire on me. It may alter our friendship, he may even hate me after it but I wanted to capture Alan’s innermost emotions on the video for it to work for him. I was edgy about that before he even arrived. I was to take Alan back to the dark times in his head and I knew I was going to have to provoke him. I felt uncomfortable about it, a strange combination of excitement and sadness. I didn’t want to be responsible for raising the dead as it were!! But I wanted to do my best, no compromises, which meant no holding back. I had to switch off my mind from it, otherwise I would never sleep and it was a long day ahead so I asked Andrea if he had remembered to bring his walking boots to film at Wycollar since the access is a quarter of a mile through wet fields and cobbles. Oops … he hadn’t brought them! His white heeled boots were to take him there! Chuckle chuckle. The Old Hall at Haworth was to be the first location on the itinerary; I could giggle at him later about Wycollar … By Alexandra Vardanis 5 August 2008 ... hold your face .... a little closer here mate!! Oooh … artistic temperament, or just plain angry? Alan and Andrea asked for ‘eerie’ film locations. I think I managed it! Driving over Haworth’s old railway bridge and up the hill toward the moor to greet The Old Hall Inn at dusk can be a little ghostly when it first comes into view, right before the street lights come on and the mullion windows are dimly lit! Take away the tourists … add some fog! And hey, you get ‘eerie!’ Sadly, we didn’t have the fog, or a fog-maker, whatever they call those things!!! This 400-year-old, once a Manorial house, has tunnels and elaborate escape routes under it protecting the non-conformists and free thinkers of its time from persecution. I think the principal of it suits Alan down to the ground. He would absolutely have been a non-conformist in every possible way. And those tunnels!! Well, we would never have found him. He manages to dodge us above ground, leaving everyone wondering as to his whereabouts! God forbid if he had tunnels too!! We would have to put a portion of fish and chips at each entrance and just hope he would smell it, entice him out!! Not that he’s a mole or anything. It’s just that anything that resembles a hiding place, he has to be there! Back to the Old Hall today … After letting the guys lead the way into the pub with cameras and tripods etc, Andrea and I followed with miscellaneous stuff! Overloaded with things and laughing as we clumsily edged and elbowed our way in through the heavy old Tudor black-studded door that wanted to swing shut on us at any given opportunity (maybe that was an omen!), we had finally made it after a busy day already. Alan followed close behind … er … that’s when it all went a bit silent!! In his black hat, waistcoat, white boots, guitar and well … just not dressed for a night out in The Old Hall really! I overheard conversations. ‘Hey, I know that guy’ and wait for it … ‘Alice … Alice … who the …’ and of course, you know the rest, right? I’m thinking that Andrea will hopefully steer him away as he always has time for his fans, but we really needed him to focus! I wanted to use the table by the fire that the staff had lit for our arrival. So did the four pensioners that had sat at that same table every Wednesday night for the past 12 years!! Oops! The management kindly lit the fire for us but had obviously not dared to ask the four Yorkshiremen to give up their seats for the evening and I was’’t going to fight with four elderly Haworthorians either!! They are not pretty men, coarse by nature, especially when roused! It was THEIR table; they had made that very clear to me! In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they enjoy continuing their stubbornness through generations, as much has been written about this rude and unsophisticated race of narrow-minded people (with their kind hearts left on the hearth) since the times of Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights. Which of course was written around the people of this area and tourists come from all over the world, to discover that … yes, they really are like that here!!! How was I going to deal with this one? Andrea stepped in (phew). She bought them a couple of rounds of beer, chatted with them a short while, explained our presence (whilst I cowardly found other things to do) and within half an hour, they had, reluctantly, moved to another table. A bloody miracle I thought, how did she manage it!?? We had (okay then, Andrea had) just put up a fair fight for the table with the old guys when a crowd of rowdy young football fans burst into the pub. It was unreasonably noisy to work with but I switched off for a while since we hadn’t got too far into filming. Matt then arrived and Alan seemed very pleased to see him, and that he had a look of him in his youth. He looked at Matt, his physique, smiled and said ‘I used to look like that!’ They hit it off straight away although I knew in his heart Alan wanted Amy to play the part, but she obviously couldn’t make it that night. Matt had obviously done his research on Alan. Either that or he is psychic as he was wearing the same black waistcoat! I had the unfortunate task of asking him if he wouldn’t mind taking off his shirt! So as to be dressed the same as Alan. Oh well, back to the real world! Soon, the football fans were to become a downright nuisance. The team they supported were losing. It was allegedly a big match and they were getting their ‘fighting heads’ on as I put it! They got louder and more insulting towards Alan, which he didn’t seem to care about the comments. I guess he has grown up with guys envious of him, and I remember they would often try to pick a fight with him in the days of the local gigs as The Elizabethans thinking that he is an easy target, musician, long hair and so on. WRONG!!!!! Alan is not aggressive, just downright fearless!! He walked over to them, which felt like he had just walked into the middle of a pack of wild dogs! They tried to aggravate him some more but he wasn’t backing down. Ha! It didn’t seem to take long for them to realise he is no wimp. Alan walked away after saying his bit. Don’t ask me what he said, I can’t remember because I go blank when I’m nervous!! I just remember watching Alan’s face and he meant business in the nicest possible way! Cool … I was impressed. I wonder if they saw ALAN tattooed on his knuckles. The atmosphere changed. They calmed down, apologised and took an interest in the filming, asking lots of questions until they left, thankfully early!! More soon on The Old Hall ... Alexandra Vardanis Sunday 17th August … back to The Old Hall A perfect day to write! The rain and wind outside gives me a good reason to light my fire and finally finish up the story of behind the scenes of Closer to the Candle … Alan and Matt sat face to face across the table, waiting for a cue. I pondered over the scene, and how I was about to deal with the situation. Somewhere there, in the recesses of Alan’s mind, are some painful memories, buried and put to rest. It was to be my first day of digging them up for the purpose of the video. There was I, being all serious … and there was Alan being, well, NOT serious at all and this is how it went … ‘Stop filming!!’ Alan was laughing and we had barely started! ‘I can’t look into Matt’s eyes!’ He said, turning his head away, looking at everyone but Matt. ‘People might think I fancy him or something!’ ‘I don’t really mean look into his eyes Alan … I’m trying to get you to look through him!’ … We waited, and waited! Big pause and another burst of laughter! ‘Just pretend he isn’t there!’ ‘But he IS there!’ ‘But pretend he’s NOT!’ ‘But he is!’ said Alan, in his unmistakable squeaky voice! ‘Come on Alan!! ... He’s supposed to be an illusion … your imagination … your alter ego’ I said, with head in hands, I was trying to hold my face straight, control myself!! So as not to laugh too! I figured that if I don’t stick with being serious about it, and keep this moving, it’s going to take all night! I just needed Alan to reminisce so as to capture raw emotion. Matt sat patiently waiting for Alan to compose himself. ‘Andrea, what if you stand behind Matt but further away, so that Alan will look at you? Might be easier for him ... It will look as though he’s looking through Matt then.’ It was still a no-goer! He was busy clowning around as he does. Alan is obviously a professional but I couldn’t help thinking about how difficult this was going to be because of his preference to show a silly side to his character and how very, very easily he is distracted too. And we’re supposed to complete the video in 3 days! With these thoughts in mind, I asked everyone not to humour him, try look serious, as if we mean business! Pretending to be a bit annoyed, I stood behind Matt myself and I felt like an ogre as I flowed into saying … ‘Think about the death of … and the loss of …and more …etc. Alan drifted into his own thoughts … no more need for direction. Ouch! Crap, crap, crap! I hated that moment! Eventually we got the footage and thankfully, Alan seemed okay, but what you see is real emotion. But, that hadn’t been the only ‘ouch!’ whilst filming that night. Alan kept knocking the flame out on the candle. As you can see on the video he was pretty close to it! He would throw his arms up, or out, in expression of the song and … phutt! Out went the candle, again! If you look closely at the video, you can see there are some shots with the candle lit and some without! … ‘the candle shi-i-i-ning’ or not!’ It was late evening, and pretty much everyone was ready to pack up. We hadn’t filmed what I initially had in mind for this particular location. There are two arches in the Old Hall, side by side. I was pushing at this late hour for a shot of Alan leaving the table with his guitar, and exiting under one arch whilst Matt enters through the other at the exact same time, as if he caught sight of his younger self and his alter ego passing through time … or, caught in a timewarp. At the time, I thought that scene was to have the most significance and didn’t want to lose the opportunity to film it knowing that we wouldn’t get a second chance with Alan’s tight schedule. Anyhow, Alan persevered and kept going. Cameras rolling, ‘Action’!! Oops! Lost count of how many takes later!! Every time Alan stood up to walk under the archway, he clunked his guitar on the table which ended up in laughter again. ‘Oh no … not again!’ he kept saying. The guys didn’t really have the room to get the right angle on this shot and the pub was way past closing time. Everyone was tired, including Alan. ‘‘I give up!’ he said on that last attempt, he didn’t clunk his guitar that time but never noticed! Instead he just carried on walking … under the arch … through the lounge … and out of the pub!! I think it didn’t get used because of his blasé exit. He was oblivious to the fact that he hadn’t clunked his guitar and got it right that time! ‘ALAN!!’ …. We all yelled in synchronisation!! ‘Come back!’ ‘Can somebody go get Alan?!’ Matt was successful at bringing him back. I did manage to persuade everyone to get two more shots on the way out just when they all thought they had done! One, in the doorway of the Old Hall where Alan is reflecting and looking into Matt’s eyes again!! And the other where Alan and his alter ego are back to back, leaning against the old tree. It was definitely time to wrap it up for the night before Alan disappeared and went off on one of his adventures, never to be seen again, lost on the moors of Haworth! Or hunting for tunnels. a day in the graveyard … come back soon! Written by Alex Vardanis, 7 September 2008

Solitary Bird CD On Sale Now July 23, 2007 SOLITARY BIRD - my new album is now available on CD. It can be purchased using PayPal via my store. Please click here to enter the store and start your order or enter via the link at the bottom of the page. The first 300 copies will be signed by Alan!! So be quick and order your copy now!

My 2 Doggies July 10, 2007 I presume most of you have by now heard the little hidden track on my album „My 2 doggies and me“. This was a very spontaneous idea having good memories of my 2 Great Danes. 2 dogs so very different – Scooby was brought up by me and he was cool as a cucumber and Carla who I rescued from a bad home where she was held as a guard dog. She was very aggressive when I first got her and she was certainly guarding (too much really). On the day I got her she wouldn’t even let me back into my own house, I had to convince her by giving her my fish’n’chips. Carla turned into a lovely dog and Scooby being such a placid and strong pal for her helped a lot. We had a great time, the three of us, and lots of fun together and they are both much missed!

Solitary Bird for little Mac June 10, 2007 Some of you probably know that I am a big animal lover and that I love especially dogs. As a teenager I got my first dog, a mongrel and I called him “Rex”. You read Ron’s anecdote about Rex pinching sausages. When I bought my own house I got Scooby, a Great Dane, as a puppy, later joined by the Great Dane bitch Carla and sheep dog Duky. When Duky was still around we got a West Highland Terrier as a puppy – it wasn’t really my kind of dog, too small etc. but as we picked him, little Mac, I fell in love with him and vice versa. Mac was so unbelievably close to me, it’s hard to describe. Amy said to me not long ago ‘I’ve never seen a dog as close to a person as Mac was to you’. He was my shadow, where ever I went he followed. He slept lying on top of me, walked up and down the lawn with me when I cut it until he figured out it’s much easier to sit in the middle and watch. He was my best mate, he was in my studio when I recorded, he listened to my songs – he was just there, happy to be around me. With the help of a sampler I recorded Mac’s barking and made it into a Happy Birthday song for Amy which brought tears of happiness into her eyes. I kept promising him a new garden as we were about to move house at the time but, unfortunately, little Mac has never seen that new garden. When he died I can’t describe how devastated I was. I loved all my doggies to bits and was extremely sad when they were gone but with little Mac it was so much deeper – somehow – can’t explain it really. I lost my best and closest friend – yes, he was “only” a dog but does that make any difference? I loved him completely and it broke my heart to let him go! I wrote “Solitary Bird” for him to tell him I will never ever forget him, it describes and expresses my feelings. It still makes me cry when I think of him. It took me a very long time to sing this song, ended up in tears most of the time. For me it’s the most personal song on the album. Some people might think I’m crazy to have such strong feelings for a dog but real animal lovers, I’m sure, they do understand me.

Why 'Ice Cold Rain' June 10, 2007 I started writing this song I think towards the end of 2005 but then left it unfinished for quite some time. Just before finalising the tracks to go on the album I had some more ideas for it and Pete and I finished it. The words for the first verse and basically the very initial idea for the song are based on living in student-style. I thought about it when my daughter Amy started going to college, thinking of students being away from home for a longer period of time, not having the comfort but living and sharing flats and bedsits, living rough. I spent ages putting all sorts of guitars on this song, played various styles, used various guitars – it sounded quite heavy at some point. I must admit I got carried away and it was overloaded with guitars – it was Pete who told me to maybe re-start some of the guitar parts which I did and I played this slow bluesy style guitar solo which is my favourite style of playing and I think it suits the song perfectly. I kept the heavier parts at the beginning and in between the verses, I call it strong arm melodic rock / blues.